How to Survive a Zombie Apocolypse in Style

Rot in Pieces!


As I drove along the R59 highway to my mother’s house, I could see them staggering across the road. Between the two blockhouses, petrol stations set opposite each other on either side of the highway, the traffic was heavy. I knew I would not be able to get enough speed to just smash through the wall of walking corpses. I took the offramp to the garage, hoping to dodge them by getting off and then right back onto the highway.

Entering the petrol area, I started to go slowly. This is where they were bound to hide – behind petrol pumps, bushes, abandoned cars. I made my way through the badly lit area, and then started accelerating as the onramp came into view. In the middle of the onramp, as I was meant to be getting speed – a child. Sitting down, back to me, playing on the ramp.

Fuck it.

I totally drove over that child – just as well, because I could see the arm running after my car after I had ridden it off. Using the fingers as legs, the arm bending and waving as it tried to stay upright, it moved down the onramp after my car, but had no chance. Gut instincts win again.

Arriving at my mom’s house, I had to be careful of the two larger dogs – both zombies. The little one, Toto, helped me to rip them apart so that there was no body part large enough to pose a threat.

Once inside, I stocked up on tinned food and biscuits, and locked the security gate that ran between the kitchen and the lounge. I went down into the wine cellar, cleaned and oiled the shotgun and settled down with a glass of 23 year old wine, my laptop and wireless modem. My lover was on his way. If he brought chocolate and life, he could come in. If not, my shotgun was not loaded with buckshot.

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